Did you say low-calorie cotton candy? Here’s what happened. My husband’s that guy who is secretly aware of everything I know and think. He’s also the guy who gets a kick out of shows like The Profit, reads books on memorization techniques and spends Monday through Friday basking up to his eyeballs in the world of finance. Snooze-fest! (Actually, I’m super jealous and wish I’d stuck in my Honors Calculus class instead of turning tail and busting through the doors of pre-calc, but I digress). So I suppose what happened was this. One day, Ryan was being Superman and researching Fantasy Football (er Fantasy something) while eating quinoa while reading some article on Shark Tank while balancing ten books on his head and he discovered Parker’s Real Maple – this small company doing huge things using their recipe for authentic maple syrup, started by this once 11-year-old named Joshua. Yup, I said 11. To put things into perspective, on my 11th birthday, I think I asked for Professor Snape’s Potions Lab by Mattel, so . . .
Birthday’s past aside, my hub – who like I said is secretly aware of everything I know and think – orders a couple tubs of Parker’s 114-calorie cotton candy because after reading about it, he can’t just let it go. Then, when he gets it in the mail, like such a dweeb, he insists I open the box myself. I mean, the guy is practically foaming at the mouth, waiting for the tears of joy to start falling. And I’m such a klutz, trying to use a pair of keys to rip through the packing tape, that he takes the box from me and tugs it loose. I swear, in that moment, as a tub of cotton candy dropped into my lap, I felt exactly how Veruca Salt felt in Willy Wonka when she, for a hot second, finally got hold of a golden goose egg. This is prior to plummeting to her . . . wait, did she die?
Dark, Roald Dahl. Dark.
But the cotton candy. Let’s talk about the cotton candy. So you know how low-calorie desserts are kind of the worst if they’re not done right? Trust me, I’ve made such a gnarly commitment to making low-calorie desserts taste like real food, so I would know a thing or two about it. Well, Parker’s tastes like it’s about 6,000 calories a tub, which it’s not. It’s 114 calories a tub. Which is insane. Because it’s different than regular cotton candy you snack on at Universal Studios Orlando (shout out to The Wizarding World, favorite spot ever). It’s made from REAL maple syrup. And guys . . . I am not getting paid to say this. Guys . . . there’s about an 89% chance that the clouds in Heaven are made from Parker’s Low-Calorie Cotton Candy.
So you can eat ALL of this for 115 calories. The entire tub. Not. Kidding. Talk about Low-Calorie Cotton Candy.See?For the record, I fully support fluffy cotton candy. But Parker’s doesn’t just make cotton candy. Behold maple syrup. And Maple BUTTER? Yuh, it’s a thing.
So seriously, don’t wait. Order your Low-Calorie Cotton Candy now. And maybe some fun cotton candy products, too: